Details

We'll be receiving visitors at the Wessels & Wilk Funeral Home Tuesday, June 29 from 3 to 8 p.m. Click here for a map. The service at the First Congregational Church of Royal Oak begins at 11 a.m. Wednesday, June 30 and will be followed by a light lunch. A map to the church can be accessed by clicking here.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email us and we'll get back with you as soon as possible (sorry, no phone numbers are going up on the web!).

I had been staying with Mom at night since she was admitted to the hospital on Thursday, and Dave, Byron and Colleen were there during the day. She was still relatively lucid and responsive early Saturday, and we reminisced about all sorts of random things as the sun came up -- the old Westinghouse refrigerator we had that ended up at Rose and Sam's cottage, going to the Royal Oak Farmers' Market every Saturday morning before the crack of dawn, Byron making popcorn as we watched Saturday Night at the Movies, Sunday drives, her parents, her grandchildren ... it was truly a gift to have those tender moments with her.

It was heart wrenching to watch as she and her life-long best friend, Priscilla, visited on Saturday, both knowing it was the last time they'd be together. Lots of tears were shed all around. These two women were so different yet had a friendship that endured through good and bad times. They used to joke about who would go first. Well, now we know.

Dave arrived Sunday morning just as the doctor was making his rounds, and he advised us that it looked like she would not be around for more than 48 hours. I made a quick trip to Grand Rapids (no speeding tickets), and during the seven hours I was away, her condition had eroded significantly. As nighttime fell she became quieter and quieter.Shortly after midnight she took her last breath, and the nurse confirmed what I thought: she was gone.

Byron and Dave quickly returned to the hospital. We said our goodbyes and thanks to this amazing woman. There were many times she was a royal pain in the neck (and other places), and her Polish stubbornness was legendary, but she also was a loving person who always saw what needed to be done and did it, up until the very end.What a gal!

She's at peace

Ruth Esther Kuxhaus, 91, of Oak Park died peacefully surrounded by family on June 28.  Born in Detroit on May 31, 1919, she was the oldest child of Chester and Viola Kotowski. She grew up in Pleasant Ridge and graduated from Lincoln High School in Ferndale. For many years she managed several RB Shops, and later worked at Jacobson's in Birmingham. Generous, never complaining, Ruth was happiest in the company of family and friends. She showed great strength and bravery in recent years as she battled a series of difficult afflictions. A greatly loved mother, grandmother, friend, and aunt, she will be greatly missed. 

Preceding her in death were her husband, Otto Kuxhaus; brother, Benjamin Kotowski; sisters Rose Tuma and Doris Steinberg. She is survived by her brother Arthur (Nancy) Kotowski, Newburg, OH; her children, Byron (Colleen) Kuxhaus, Royal Oak; David Kuxhaus, Ashland, KY; and Valeria Long, Grand Rapids; grandchildren Robert (Rebekah Winters) Long and Justin Kuxhaus, Seattle; Margaret Long, Oakland, CA; Laurel Kuxhaus, PhD Potsdam, NY; her life-long friend Priscilla Krippendorf; and many beloved nieces and nephews.

The family would like to thank the staff of Heartland and Beaumont Hospices and Hannah's Home Care for their care and compassion during Ruth's last weeks. Visitation at Wessel and Wilk Funeral Home, 23690 Woodward Ave., Pleasant Ridge, from 3 to 8 p.m. June 29. Memorial service June 30 at 11 a.m. at First Congregational Church, 1314 Northwood Blvd., Royal Oak. Memorial contributions may be made to the church.

Not good news

I neglected to include in the earlier post that in addition to the sigmoid volvulus, Mom has a bowel obstruction. That's what contributed to the excruciating pain and vomiting on Thursday. Given Mom's greatly weakened health, medical history, and age, the gastroenterologist felt she was an extremely poor surgical risk and would likely not survive surgery to remove the blockage and volvulus and recommended against it. Other physicans concurred. We -- Mom, Byron, Dave, and me -- sadly agreed that she has been through enough, and reluctantly have accepted that this will be the cause of her demise.

Mom is now an inpatient with Beaumont Hospital's Hospice, where she is receiving intensive palliative care. Her attending physician feels it is highly unlikely that she would reach the two week maximum stay for that unit.She is being kept comfortable with regular administrations of dilaudid, so is drowsy much of the time but manages to rally when she has visitors and as we have learned, hears everything!

As we face this passage, we are heartened by the support we are receiving from family and friends. We appreciate you keeping Mom and us in your hearts and prayers, and hope that you find comfort, as we do, that she is at peace..

A new development

An update ...

Over the past week or so Mom had a lot of abdominal pain, coupled with the inability to have a bowel movement. The pain became too much, and Wednesday morning Byron and Colleen took her to Beaumont's ER. She was given some dilaudid for pain, and had a CT scan of her abdomen (which the ER doctor said was the most puzzling one he had ever seen due to her colon resection back in the early 1960s).

The medical team's consensus was that she had a sigmoid volvulus (a twisting of the sigmoid colon). A gastroenterologist performed a sigmoidoscopy, which we hoped would take care of things so we brought her home. Unfortunately her abdomen is still distended and hard, and she's been in a lot of pain plus vomiting. The hospice nurse recommended we bring her back to see if more fluid could be removed and make her more comfortable,  so we came back to Beaumont where we are as I write. Please keep her in your thoughts.

Well, She Made It To 91

I spent a nice week with Mom and family, enjoying the hot Michigan weather and seeing friends. She continues to amaze me with her progress and what she is pushing herself to do.

My arrival Wednesday coincided with Julie from Hospice arriving to do the paperwork enrolling Mom in Hospice. The continuing, debilitating pain in her shoulders makes it possible for Hospice to provide care for pain management and other issues dealing with the deterioration of her health. Hospice will be providing some of her medication to include lidocaine patches for her shoulders as well as supplies and some other meds, their palliative care is great and Mom seems to like Julie and looks forward to her visits.

Thursday started off a little rough for Mom and Tanya. Both had some intestinal problems during the night but recovered enough for Mom to do some ironing in the afternoon. The young man who was supposed to mow her lawn didn't show up so I took care of that making sure the clippings were placed at the curb for pick up on Friday.

Following her Friday morning walk, which consists of walking up and down the driveway a few times, she and I sat outside the garage to enjoy the nice morning. She seems to enjoy sitting out there in the captains chair brought up from the basement and likes feeling the warm sun and enjoying the rose bush from Aunt Alice that has been full of blooms. Hospice Julie showed up as scheduled and the pain patches were applied. Within an hour the pain abated enough that she had almost full range of motion with minimum discomfort. Mom and Kim enjoyed a nice lunch from BWW with plans to have the left overs for dinner tonight.  John, the Hospice social worker, was with Mom when I returned from running around and they were having a nice chat sitting outside. Mom said she had walked the drive again and was feeling okay. When she got back in the house she was tired but looking forward to a visit from one of her friends.

Cousin Maggie came over Saturday morning and planted flowers in the front of the house, her birthday present to Ruth, and we enjoyed a nice visit before I took Mom to get her hair done. We discussed going to visit Priscilla but she wanted something for lunch and to go home. She spent the rest of the day resting, planning what she & Kim were going to have for dinner and talking on the phone. Val also was there with birthday presents and had a nice visit with Mom.

Following church on Sunday we went to visit Priscilla and her family. The girls had a nice time together and as always, enjoyed each others company. Val & I spent several hours with Denise and Sheila and her family and it seems everyone had a very nice time.

Dinner at Byron and Colleens Monday was a nice quiet celebration of Mom's 91st birthday. Byron grilled steaks, Colleen made a great salad and Sanders bumpy cake was complemented with Strohs French vanilla ice cream. Even the rain didn't dampen our enjoyment of each others company and Mom raved about how wonderful Byron's steaks were.

I left Tuesday morning, got home about 5:30 following an uneventful trip. I spoke with Maria from Hanna's Home Health Care about some concerns we had about her caregivers and was able to resolve the issues to ensure Mom continues to receive the care she needs and that she's paying for.

Mom looks forward to hearing from her friends and relatives and looks forward to visits throughout the day. Getting outside and the pain patches seem to have lifted her spirits and she is even turning the A/C on more frequently.

That's it for now. Hospice Julie will be making her weekly visit tomorrow and I hope her lawn gets mowed this afternoon.

That's all for now.