The first thing that greeted me when I walked into Mom's house around 11 a.m. on Saturday was a photo of Doris on the kitchen table, propped against a vase. Nearby was an envelop with old photos plus the program from Rose's memorial service several years ago. Mom was in the living room, having nodded off while reading. My cousin Maggie Robbins arrived about the same time I did (with tomatoes), so we visited as Mom shared her memories of Doris. A few years ago (2006?) I took Mom to visit Doris, who lived in an upscale retirement center in Rancho Bernardo, outside of San Diego. I'm glad we had the chance to see her, even though Doris clearly was in the early stages of dementia then.
Doris was always independent and self-sufficient -- the classic "career girl." She worked in purchasing at GM from her late teens until her mid-50s. I remember her as always having a convertible, great clothes, and a beautiful singing voice. She played tennis competitively until her late 70s. Doris retired from GM when she married Ben Steinberg. They were married for just a few years, but she retained his surname after their divorce.
She found the weather in southern California to her liking, and moved to the San Diego region where she could play tennis all year and established a social network there. Still, Mom could never grasp why she would choose to live in California rather than return to Michigan to be near her sisters. To the end, though, Doris took care of herself. Her body has been cremated and her ashes to be scattered at sea. It's good that Mom's brother Art is planning to visit on Monday, and the two of them can talk about how they want to memorialize Doris.
While Maggie was still there, I shared some photos from Robert and Rebekah's wedding, which was last Saturday in Seattle. There was one photo of my daughter Margaret, Rebekah, Robert, and Byron's son Justin that Mom liked a lot, so we put it in a picture frame that previously held a photo of Robert and Justin. Maggie left, and we made BLTs for lunch.
When I visited Mom two weeks ago, we discussed some of the obstacles to her moving into assisted living. One of those obstacles was what to do with all her teacups. She wanted certain people to have some of them, so I suggested that we take care of it the next time I came down. After our lunch, I placed all of the teacups on the table, hauled out some priority mail boxes and bubble wrap, and we got to work. It turned out that there weren't that many she had identified for specific people, but of the ones she did, we put together boxes for Lori Tuma, Rebekah, and Laurel, and put cups aside for Andrea East and Colleen. There's a lot left, so if you'd like a Ruth teacup, let me know and I'll ship one off to you next time I'm there.
We also continued the conversation about her moving into assisted living. Even though she's getting help from Byron and Colleen and people such as her friend Sally, who's been chauffeuring her around, and is lining up some women to clean, she knows staying in her house isn't healthy or sustainable. But she worries about how she'll deal with all her stuff, selling the house, and paying for assisted living. I suggested if she wants, we could have a living estate sale. Otherwise I'm sure between my brothers, Colleen, and me, we can take care of things. What's critical is to identify some places and get her on a wait list, with the goal of having her moved before winter hits. I also suggested that we limit places to consider to ones that offer a continuum of care. It's going to be an interesting fall.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
DEATH OF DORIS KOTOWSKI
Sad news: Mom's sister, Doris, died Monday in San Diego. Very sad for mom. She has been sad since Sunday when we got news of Doris being in Hospice, and she became even sadder when news arrived that Doris died. Even worse, she doesn't find out until Wednesday.
She got a shot of something, probably cortizone, Tuesday in her shoulder which has helped somewhat. Some friends were scheudle to come by Friday and on Monday, Dr. Andrea East said she would come by with Tara (Rose's Daughter) for Lunch. Hopefully that will cheer her up.
Val will be in town this weekend so that will be good for both of them.
She got a shot of something, probably cortizone, Tuesday in her shoulder which has helped somewhat. Some friends were scheudle to come by Friday and on Monday, Dr. Andrea East said she would come by with Tara (Rose's Daughter) for Lunch. Hopefully that will cheer her up.
Val will be in town this weekend so that will be good for both of them.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
NEWS ABOUT DORIS AND THE SORE SHOULDER
Having David around the last four weeks or so has been a Godsend and truly enjoyable. Mom misses him; we all miss him. THANKS, DAVE! I should have sabatoged his car so he couldn't get back to Ashland.
Mom continues to make due around her house. I hesitate to say adjust. She is distraught (my wording) over news that her youngest sister, Doris, has been transferred to hospice care where she is at in California. Nephews Jeff and Steve (2 of brother Art's boys) are apparently looking over this situation, and she spoke with Art Saturday. Mom is in a down mood as might be expected. She wants to take care of Doris, but realizes she can't travel there. This is not good news in any event. Aunt Doris has been a dear sister to Ruth, and a great aunt to all of us. It is sad that she is so far away.
Over the weekend, she mentioned to me some soreness in her right shoulder. She put an ice bag on it yesterday and was going to do that today (after I was there about noon). I asked her if this was a new thing, or something that has been around a while. She told me Saturday it was a new thing, meaning it starting Friday, but today (Sunday) she told me it has been painful to a lesser or greater extent for several days including Tuesday when she had her ortho apt. She said she didn't mention it to her ortho surgeon on Tuesday since he operated on her hip and she didn't think he could deal with the shoulder. Alas. Another Dr. apt. will have to be set up. She did cancel plans for church on Sunday, though which is bothersome. The thought here is that she is using her right arm largely to grab on to railings and such and maybe has strained it OR even pulled a ligament or something. These things heal with rest, something in short supply with Ruth as you know.
The shoulder soreness bothered her so much she wanted to go to an urgent care center. Later, Mom told Colleen that she was okay. (On Saturday morning, while talking with Colleen on the phone, she apparently dropped the phone: Colleen heard sounds consisteant with that and other sounds like a walker falling; Mom got back on the phone (maybe picked it up with the claw?) and told Coll that she (mom) momentarily lost her balance. ) She didn't try to get her mail on Saturday (which is fine with me: I need something to do!), but she did get down the stairs to the side door to get her Tribune this morning. Curiously, she didn't balk at me taking our garbage on Saturday or getting something from the Basement. It may be courious but it is encouraging that she is letting us assist her.
The coming week will be interesting. With David gone, she will need some help with laundry and that sort of thing I suspect. On Saturday, though, she was trying to get bend over/down to wipe up a spill on the kitchen floor so she must, to some extent, be feeling better. David mentioned the "assisted living" considerations. When I brought up that topic on Saturday, it appeared that was not on Ruth's Radar at the moment.
Mom continues to make due around her house. I hesitate to say adjust. She is distraught (my wording) over news that her youngest sister, Doris, has been transferred to hospice care where she is at in California. Nephews Jeff and Steve (2 of brother Art's boys) are apparently looking over this situation, and she spoke with Art Saturday. Mom is in a down mood as might be expected. She wants to take care of Doris, but realizes she can't travel there. This is not good news in any event. Aunt Doris has been a dear sister to Ruth, and a great aunt to all of us. It is sad that she is so far away.
Over the weekend, she mentioned to me some soreness in her right shoulder. She put an ice bag on it yesterday and was going to do that today (after I was there about noon). I asked her if this was a new thing, or something that has been around a while. She told me Saturday it was a new thing, meaning it starting Friday, but today (Sunday) she told me it has been painful to a lesser or greater extent for several days including Tuesday when she had her ortho apt. She said she didn't mention it to her ortho surgeon on Tuesday since he operated on her hip and she didn't think he could deal with the shoulder. Alas. Another Dr. apt. will have to be set up. She did cancel plans for church on Sunday, though which is bothersome. The thought here is that she is using her right arm largely to grab on to railings and such and maybe has strained it OR even pulled a ligament or something. These things heal with rest, something in short supply with Ruth as you know.
The shoulder soreness bothered her so much she wanted to go to an urgent care center. Later, Mom told Colleen that she was okay. (On Saturday morning, while talking with Colleen on the phone, she apparently dropped the phone: Colleen heard sounds consisteant with that and other sounds like a walker falling; Mom got back on the phone (maybe picked it up with the claw?) and told Coll that she (mom) momentarily lost her balance. ) She didn't try to get her mail on Saturday (which is fine with me: I need something to do!), but she did get down the stairs to the side door to get her Tribune this morning. Curiously, she didn't balk at me taking our garbage on Saturday or getting something from the Basement. It may be courious but it is encouraging that she is letting us assist her.
The coming week will be interesting. With David gone, she will need some help with laundry and that sort of thing I suspect. On Saturday, though, she was trying to get bend over/down to wipe up a spill on the kitchen floor so she must, to some extent, be feeling better. David mentioned the "assisted living" considerations. When I brought up that topic on Saturday, it appeared that was not on Ruth's Radar at the moment.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It's Time To Go
I must say this extended stay on Meadowlark has been interesting, but it's time for me to hit the road. Not that it matters but I plan on leaving tomorrow 081309 after I've cleaned my room, washed the bathroom and kitchen floors and get everything in my car. With luck, I should be on the road by noon.
Since the last post, mom has been busy.
As always, mom enjoyed Vals' visit Saturday and insisted on taking all of us out for dinner Saturday night. An enjoyable time was had by all at The Avenue. Prior to dinner, the discussion on assisted living continued with no resolution. Ruth says she's thinking about it but is not taking any action to move in that direction, believing that she will return to her pre hospitalization soon, regardless of what her Dr., PT, Surgeon, family & friends tell her.
We attended church last Sunday, she enjoyed Rev. Millers message and had a good time visiting with friends and arranging transportation for this coming Sunday. We also were treated to a nice lunch and enjoyed visiting with friends. By the time we returned home she was pretty tired. There was some difficulty getting out of her chair at the restaurant, but she managed and once home, took a much needed nap.
The past two days have been pretty uneventful. Laundry was done on Monday. To avoid her throwing her laundry downstairs a laundry basket was placed in her bedroom to make it easier to gather for whomever will be taking over this task. Cousin Maggie brought lunch over from Pei Wei and we had a great visit. Again, the conversation turned to moving to assisted living, reminded mom how much she enjoys being around other people, the benefits of getting around in a safer enviornment and in general encouraging her to give this more thought.
The appointment with Dr Nowincski (?) went well. X-ray shows she is healing and it was explained to her that due to the arthritis in her hip and the metal that is holding it together she will continue to experience discomfort and was advised to keep treating the discomfort with Tylenol. He also wrote to extend PT for an additional 3 weeks. Mother asked the Dr. when she could expect to be able to walk without assistance. It was pointed out that she has been walking with assistance for several years and she is not going to be back to where she was prior to the injury. One of these days, she may actually accept that information, in the meantime I believe she wants to prove everyone wrong.
PT went well this morning. Ricky is very patient and assertive with her. She listens to him better than the rest of us and follows his directions well. Emphasis continues to be on improving her strength, doing her exercises and understanding that she can't use her cane without someone being with her. He'll be back on Friday.
When I returned this afternoon, she had made several loaves of zucchini bread and was just sitting down for a little lunch and a cup of tea. She continues to amaze me by what she is able to accomplish in spite of everything she's been told. I'm so grateful she is so determined and hope she continues to be careful.
That's about it. Hope everyone has enjoyed these updates, they'll continue periodically as necessary. Thanks for reading
Since the last post, mom has been busy.
As always, mom enjoyed Vals' visit Saturday and insisted on taking all of us out for dinner Saturday night. An enjoyable time was had by all at The Avenue. Prior to dinner, the discussion on assisted living continued with no resolution. Ruth says she's thinking about it but is not taking any action to move in that direction, believing that she will return to her pre hospitalization soon, regardless of what her Dr., PT, Surgeon, family & friends tell her.
We attended church last Sunday, she enjoyed Rev. Millers message and had a good time visiting with friends and arranging transportation for this coming Sunday. We also were treated to a nice lunch and enjoyed visiting with friends. By the time we returned home she was pretty tired. There was some difficulty getting out of her chair at the restaurant, but she managed and once home, took a much needed nap.
The past two days have been pretty uneventful. Laundry was done on Monday. To avoid her throwing her laundry downstairs a laundry basket was placed in her bedroom to make it easier to gather for whomever will be taking over this task. Cousin Maggie brought lunch over from Pei Wei and we had a great visit. Again, the conversation turned to moving to assisted living, reminded mom how much she enjoys being around other people, the benefits of getting around in a safer enviornment and in general encouraging her to give this more thought.
The appointment with Dr Nowincski (?) went well. X-ray shows she is healing and it was explained to her that due to the arthritis in her hip and the metal that is holding it together she will continue to experience discomfort and was advised to keep treating the discomfort with Tylenol. He also wrote to extend PT for an additional 3 weeks. Mother asked the Dr. when she could expect to be able to walk without assistance. It was pointed out that she has been walking with assistance for several years and she is not going to be back to where she was prior to the injury. One of these days, she may actually accept that information, in the meantime I believe she wants to prove everyone wrong.
PT went well this morning. Ricky is very patient and assertive with her. She listens to him better than the rest of us and follows his directions well. Emphasis continues to be on improving her strength, doing her exercises and understanding that she can't use her cane without someone being with her. He'll be back on Friday.
When I returned this afternoon, she had made several loaves of zucchini bread and was just sitting down for a little lunch and a cup of tea. She continues to amaze me by what she is able to accomplish in spite of everything she's been told. I'm so grateful she is so determined and hope she continues to be careful.
That's about it. Hope everyone has enjoyed these updates, they'll continue periodically as necessary. Thanks for reading
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Interesting Weekend & Week......So Far
Because she was having a little "problem" the planned trip to church on Sunday did not happen. She did enjoy dinner at Sheila Render's with Pricilla Friday night and we also enjoyed time at the pool and cookout at Krippendorfs Sunday afternoon. She was pretty tired and grateful to get home.
I guess I'm doing the laundry okay, at least she's not complaining to me, but she did express her dissatisfaction when I told her I would do my own ironing. I noticed while she was cleaning the house yesterday she was not always using her walker, relying on what was handy for support. We had a little discussion about safety and why she needed to use her walker at all times, reminding her of her agreement with Dr Weismann. She also didn't want to walk yesterday except to make a trip up and down her drive.
This morning PT Ricky came over, had her working with 1.5 pound weights, doing some resistant band exercies and leg exercises. She is suppoed to be doing these exercises daily as well as keeping ice on her thigh but I don't think she's actually doing them. We went to the dentist this morning, stopped for lunch and then to Trader Joe's. I could tell she was tired and when I left her to get online, she was sitting down, icing her thigh and proping her leg up.
I spoke to her PT regarding her using the 4 prong cane. He had her walking the sidewalk with it today, holding on to her and explained the proper way to use it in conjunction with her walker. He said she isn't ready to use the cane, needs to build her strength and confidence as well as try to overcome her fear of falling again. I will reinforce my efforts to ensure she does her exercises and get her to walk more. No guarantees how she'll respond, but it's what needs to be done.
On a lighter note, if anyone reading this has any pictures from her birthday party that she hasn't seen, she would appreciate seeing them. This past Saturday she went through her 100 cards that she received and enjoyed reminiscing about the party. For someone who didn't want to attend, she sure had a good time!!
That's about it for now. Ricky will be back on Friday and I think her SW comes tomorrow or Thursday. Visitors are always welcomed and she does appreciate phone calls.
Thanks for reading.
I guess I'm doing the laundry okay, at least she's not complaining to me, but she did express her dissatisfaction when I told her I would do my own ironing. I noticed while she was cleaning the house yesterday she was not always using her walker, relying on what was handy for support. We had a little discussion about safety and why she needed to use her walker at all times, reminding her of her agreement with Dr Weismann. She also didn't want to walk yesterday except to make a trip up and down her drive.
This morning PT Ricky came over, had her working with 1.5 pound weights, doing some resistant band exercies and leg exercises. She is suppoed to be doing these exercises daily as well as keeping ice on her thigh but I don't think she's actually doing them. We went to the dentist this morning, stopped for lunch and then to Trader Joe's. I could tell she was tired and when I left her to get online, she was sitting down, icing her thigh and proping her leg up.
I spoke to her PT regarding her using the 4 prong cane. He had her walking the sidewalk with it today, holding on to her and explained the proper way to use it in conjunction with her walker. He said she isn't ready to use the cane, needs to build her strength and confidence as well as try to overcome her fear of falling again. I will reinforce my efforts to ensure she does her exercises and get her to walk more. No guarantees how she'll respond, but it's what needs to be done.
On a lighter note, if anyone reading this has any pictures from her birthday party that she hasn't seen, she would appreciate seeing them. This past Saturday she went through her 100 cards that she received and enjoyed reminiscing about the party. For someone who didn't want to attend, she sure had a good time!!
That's about it for now. Ricky will be back on Friday and I think her SW comes tomorrow or Thursday. Visitors are always welcomed and she does appreciate phone calls.
Thanks for reading.
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