Drawing parallels

I wasn’t sure how this past Saturday would go with Mom. Earlier in the week we had a somewhat contentious phone call, in which she said she would never go into assisted living, reiterating all the reasons she’s given thus far. When I reminded her that on the previous Saturday she said (and I quote), “I know I can’t stay in my house,” she was mum. I pictured her with her hackles up, looking bewildered. It’s so frustrating. One step forward, a half step back.

She had a busy week, with her brother Art and his son Ben visiting on Monday, and niece Tara and her daughter Andrea on Wednesday. They brought her some tasty morsels from Zingerman’s in Ann Arbor, which lasted her through the weekend. She also got her hair done (thanks, Sally, for taking her). Colleen continues to do an excellent job on her laundry, and the refrigerator was full.

Doris’ demise continued to be a large part of our conversation. Mom is upset that no family member was with her at the end, like she was with her sister Rose, their mother, and Rose's husband Sam. Apparently Doris just quit eating, which I understand is not that uncommon for elderly to do when they feel they've had enough. It's always haunted Mom that no one was with Dad when he took his last breath, but perhaps he, like many, needed to make that transition without people at his bedside. She seemed comforted by that idea.

We do a lot of talking when I visit, and even though I've heard most of the stories many times, there's often a new tidbit of information that is revealed. I was wondering how my Dad was exposed to polio back in November 1952, and Mom remembered that he had been on a shrubbery purchasing trip for the GM Tech Center the week prior to his symptoms manifesting. The trip was to Hinsdale, IL, about 25 miles west of Chicago. A little bit of research later revealed there was a big outbreak of polio in that part of Illinois in 1952. Pieces of the puzzle.

The conversation morphed into the stories of Otto being hospitalized and in the iron lung, and how their life changed, but they made it work. Drawing parallels to that -- a physical condition requiring some changes in life, but the changes worked out -- I drew her into conversation about assisted living. We went over a list of assisted living facilities from the Oakland County Senior Citizens Guide, and she chose three to visit. I can't say she did so enthusiastically, but she's clearly getting ready for a change in her life as evidenced by her giving away some of her teacups, offering the crystal she and her brother Art bought for their parents to Art's son Ben, and designating Colleen as the recipient of her china. Those actions, I think, are encouraging. I'm making appointments to visit the assisted living facilities she noted later this month.

No doubt when I talk to her later this week she'll be back to her "I'm not going" mode, but I'm optimistic if we can continue to couch this change in her life to other changes she's successfully experienced, she'll be less resistant. Fingers are crossed.

I was hoping to stay in Grand Rapids over the upcoming holiday weekend, but I don't want to stall the progress I feel we've been making so I'll be returning again on Saturday.