She Sounds Good

Yesterday was a continuation of the conversation about where to after Heartland. The results? The same. Like so many of us, mom doesn't like change and what she is facing is a major change and her fear manifests itself with anger, self pity, frustration and more fear. It's very difficult to have a conversation when her defenses are up, but as long as she continues to hear the same message from so many different directions I believe some words will sink in. As Alexander Pope reminds us "Hope Springs Eternal".

When I arrived this afternoon, mom was in PT. Her roommate Jessie and I talked for a while about the conversations they've had during their time together. Jessie is leaving tomorrow and mom may have a new roommate to welcome in the new year. Jessie feels mom will eventually come around, but her determination to return to Meadowlark is so strong, she just can't move beyond it. She wishes us well.

The bed sore that has plagued mom since Beaumont has worsened and Heartland has made an appointment for her at the Wound Center on the campus of Beaumont Royal Oak for Tuesday, January 5 at 2:45. When I spoke with the PA about it, she wasn't sure what all they would do about it, perhaps antibiotics, so we have that to look forward to. I'll be transporting her and staying with her during the visit. Hopefully the nurse or doctor will be able to explain how/why bed sores develop and the potential problems if they go untreated. I believe we've all tried to share our knowledge but what do we know. Stay tuned.

Her menu is planned for tomorrow with a special dinner of Prime Rib with all the fixings. She wants Jessie to stay because it's going to be a feast, but Jessie is pretty determined to be home by lunch time tomorrow. You Go Girl!

1. My plans are to get her through the appointment Tuesday and hit the road to Ashland on Wednesday. Since my plans are in pencil, I'll wait and see what God has in store for me when the time comes.

If I don't get a post on here tomorrow, have a safe NYE.

Let It Snow!

When I arrived this afternoon Justin & Byron were visiting. Mom was very happy to see Justin and enjoyed her visit with him. They were here for several hours and enjoyed spending time with mom. She's tired today, doesn't understand why, just tired. She participated in PT earlier and enjoyed the workout, passing on the afternoon session.

No discharge date yet. According to the SW on duty, with approval they could keep her until the 3rd of March 2010. She continues to make progress but still requires assistance walking and taking care of her bed sore.

That's about it from here for today.

Greetings From Ruth

I grought mom down to the internet cafe this evening to show her the blog and comments that have been made. I asked her if she wanted to type a message but said her typking skills aren't what they used to be.

She wants to wish everyone a healthy and prosperous 2010 and let you all know she appreciates your love and support.

When I arrived today she was a little blue. Byron had been to see her earlier but she had not had any other visitors. She was real glad to see Tim & Laurie along with their boys and foreign exchange student. They visited yesterday afternoon and had a very nice visit.
she was glad to hear Laurie's father was doing well.

Pretty boring day here today, they played bingo earlier and attended services provided by a local Methodist church. Other than that. It's been a slow boring day.

Happy Boxing Day

Christmas day was interesting for mom. She left Heartland around 3 or so and went to Colleens sisters for dinner.

She has received several phone calls and well wishes from friends. I brought out some mail and a box of cookies from Priscilla. The dialogue about returning home with assistance and going in to assisted living continued with the expected results. I talked about what it would mean to have someone in the house with her again, after all these years of living alone and how little tolerance she has for people that do things differently than they way she feels they should be done. She maintains that she will be fine, but continues to require assistance when using the bathroom, not all the time, but frequently and lacks the strength to rely solely on the walker when walking. While her progress with PT & OT is good, those that work with her maintain she can't be home alone. Stay tuned, she may prove everyone wrong yet!

Christmas In Rehab

Sounds like a bad country western song doesn't it?

Spent an interesting afternoon with our girl. Concerned about the bed sore she has had for a while. Colleen called me last night about it, expressing her concern and today I was privy to actually seeing it. Another one of those things a son doesn't need to see on his mother. In talking with the staff, they are concerned about it as well. They have been measuring it, putting medicine on it and keeping it covered. Mom removes the covering when she cleans up every day and then fails to tell anyone. I shared with her what I know about bed sores, the nurses talked about them with her and she seemed to understand. Today. It's really ugly, and when I spoke with the nurse and nursing director they suspect it's from where the biopsy was done while she was in beaumont. I expressed our concern that when she left Beaumont it was considerably smaller than what it is now. They will continue to do what they do. I also asked mom about her eye, Colleen seemed to think it's infected. Mom minimized that by saying she's always had some drainage in the corner of her left eye. I again discussed infections, why she is prone to them, and how important it is to let nurses and doctors know. She was also weighed today at 114.8.

This afternoon activities included playing JINGO, a seasonal version of bingo, some OT and watching a seasonal movie on AMC. I wanted to get this post out before leaving this afternoon and let all the readers know that even though she did not send out cards again this year, she wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a safe holiday season.

Another Day, another menu to fill out....

Mom was looking pretty good this afternoon. Bored, happy to have a visitor. The PA came in to check mom out, when asked about recent blood work she said her hemoglobin is within acceptable range 8.6-8.9. I thought it was supposed to be higher, but they're satisfied with it and are keeping a close eye on it. We talked briefly about the shoulder problem that mom is pretty sure is just bursitis. Don't know why she doesn't listen to them, she's been right on so many things including "I'm fine, can't complain about a thing".

I brought out what mail she had and her church directory. She likes to call people when she's lonely and feeling sorry for herself so watch out FCC. While we were sitting around talking a friend from church, Bruce, came in for a visit and I ventured to the internet cafe. Earlier today, the employee luncheon took place and I accepted a pizza that no one wanted. Yippee, now I've got dinner AND breakfast!!!!

Mom's bored. She wants to go home. She doesnt' seem to comprehend that she is still pretty weak even though she is progressing with her PT and OT. The PA commented that they plan on keeping her a while to get her strength back. While I was watching her earlier, she had to get something out or put something back in her Armoire she was so wobbly when standing and relied on the opened doors to steady her legs. It's difficult to watch and even more difficult to realize she thinks she's fine and can be home alone, or with part time assistance.

Considering all she has been through this year I'm amazed at her ability to selectively accept life on lifes terms. I doubt if I was in a similar situation I would be as patient and gracious as she is. This must be what it means when people remind me that I have teachers everywhere.

Like A Timex.....She Keeps On Ticking

Yesterdays visit with mom was brief. She shared how well she was doing in therapy, how amazed the staff was that she was progressing and doing so well. Ken, a neighbor of Sheila Renders, came by for a visit, arriving the same time I did. After he left we continued our conversation about assisted living, having someone at the house for her and in general what was next. She is adamant about going home. She feels that having someone in the house with her, either part time or full time, would cost the same as being in assisted living and doesn't understand why we (her kids) want her out of her house. Val had purchased some edible gifts for the nursing and PT/OT staff for mom to distribute (mom actually paid for them). She decided she didn't want to give them out so I had the pleasure of passing them out with our thanks and several of the staff came by to thank her for the gifts. I stayed for a while longer then left for a quiet evening on Meadowlark.

When I arrived today, her PT said she was doing the stairs requiring only 25% assistance. The look of shock/amazement and worry on my face prompted her to say mom isn't capable of returning home without assistance. I was relieve with that news and look forward to talking with mom about her progress when she returns from the Christmas Party on the second floor.

I've always admired moms determination and drive to do whatever she thinks is right, for her.
The fear of change that motivates her to NOT want to go to assisted living and stay in her house is giving her the opportunity to work hard at regaining her strength and proving everyone wrong. That alone gives her a tremendous amount of satisfaction and the right to thumb her nose (figuratively) at us all without actually saying I told you so.

Having gone from an initial assessment of she needs to go to assisted living to MAYBE she can return home with assistance is scary. But, she's pretty headstrong, has always maintined her independence and finds some kind of pleasure in proving everyone wrong. Who knows?

I think I'll go looking for her upstairs and see how she's doing.

Keeps those prayers and thoughts coming.

"I don't want to make an entrance"

I had been offering to take mom to Church for the Christmas music since Friday. She couldn't decide if she wants to go, didn't know what she had that she could wear, what the weather was going to be like etc., etc., etc. Last night she told Val she would like to go, so Val went to Meadowlark and got the appropriate wardrobe to include, coat & scarf, gloves & hat, boots & shoes, pants & blazer. When I called her at 8 this morning she said she still wanted to go and was in fact dressed and ready. When I said I'd be there between 9 and 9:30 she pointed out that church didn't start until 10:30, but she would be ready.

When I arrived at Heartland, I told her it would be a good idea to get to church early because of the crowd and we could grab the handicapped parking spot nearest the door. She was going through her wallet, needed to go to the bathroom, hadn't put on her boots or shoes, but she was ready to go. Her shoes and boots wouldn't fit over her socks, she put on her support hose. Her boots wouldn't fit, but her shoes did. Then she was off to the bathroom with me suggesting she might want to step it up to avoid making an entrance. The response is the title of todays posting, imagine the tone of voice.

We were finally able to leave shortly after 10 and arrived at FCC about 20 after 10. After getting her into her chair, receiving assistance from someone to get her into church and finally finding a parking place she got there just as the choir was entering the sanctuary. She didn't want to make an entrance.

Sitting in the back of the church she acknowledged waves, smiles and greetings from a number of her friends, enjoyed the program. I was able to get her out into the hallway before everyone started to leave. An effort was made to place her out of the way of traffic where she could see everyone and everyone could see her. It worked for a while. She held court and received greetings for a number of people and enjoyed sharing her recent experiences with whomever would listen. Several friends shared with me they encouraged her to move in to assisted living, that she really shouldn't be alone and how nice it was to see her in church. I've been booked for next Sunday now as well. June Hall and I joked that we could have left, had lunch and come back and she wouldn't have even noticed.

After a drive through the cemetery and down Rochester road, we stopped at Nino Salvaggio's so I could check out a rumored sighting of Alexander Hornug lunch meats. To my surprise, I was able to score some smoked onion liver sausage, but no rye bread. Croissants did just fine. This prompted a whole new chapter for conversation when we returned to Heartlad. The staff quickly made themselves scarce.

Byron and Colleen came by while we were out and brought clean clothes and left a note. Mom was sorry we missed them as was I.

She continues to vascilate between knowing she needs to go into assisted living and the belief that she will be able to go home soon. Denial is so strong. I hope she listens to what her friends have been saying, what the staff here has been saying and maybe even to what her children have been saying. Okay, I'll settle for two out of the three.

Have A Great Day

If It's Friday Let's Get Our Hair Done

Yesterday was a busy day for our girl. She had some good physical therapy and a surprise visit from Tara East. I missed seeing cousin Tara, she couldn't find me but we did chat for a few minutes. Moms' spirits were okay and while she was doing her arm stuff the nurse brought her some pain medication and when asked how bad her pain was mom said about a 7. She was referring to her shoulder but it wasn't stopping her from doing her exercises.

After therapy we had a pleasant visit for a couple of hours. Continuing our conversations about assisted living she is thinking more and more about St Anne Meads primarily because of it's location. While we were talking I noticed her voice was getting that Elaine Stritch quality indicating she was getting tired and she was nodding out. I suggested she might want to take a nap and like any good 2 year old said she wasn't tired.

She finally laid down and I left.

When I got here today, mom was off getting her hair done and I noticed the bed was all the way down to the floor. Don't know why but will persue that when she's returned looking all purdied up, as we say in my part of the world. Yesterday I posed the possibility of going to church on Sunday for the Holiday Music Extravaganza. It made her think about what she could wear. I don't think she was real happy when I said if she goes, it's in the chair, no walker. It will be interesting to see if she has her wardrobe planned out today.

That's it so far, I'm sure more will be revealed in the near future.

This just in, she missed her hair appointment due to PT. I guess that trumps all so it'll get done on Monday. Her bed is lowered so she can put her feet up when she's sitting in her chair during the day. Good idea, wish I had thought of it and surprised she didn't. When asked, she said she's still thinking about church on Sunday. And there she goes, time for her afternoon nap. Later y'all

Thanks for reading

Baby It's Cold Outside - Happy 62 Byron!!!!

So this afternoon we were just sitting around talking. Enjoying going through her mail, putting the proper size lids under the plants and just having a nice visit. Someone from X-Rays R Us came in to take a picture of her shoulder and a PT tech came in to say she was scheduled for therapy at 3. Around 3:30 mom decided she was tired and got in to bed to take a nap.

While we were talking we focused on what's next. Does she go home? Does she go to assisted living? What are her plans? She feels no one wants her to go home. I pointed out to her that is the issue. She could go home, but it would be with someone living with her 24/7 and taking care of her. She expressed her thoughts that maybe she could have someone come in twice a day and it was pointed out that what would happen if she couldn't get off the toilet between visits? What if she fell? If she was trying to fix something to eat and knocked a pan off the stove how would it get cleaned up? I posed several situations that are real possibilities. I also pointed out her strength is not what it was when she was discharged from Heartland in July, and probably would not get back to that point.

She brought up the topic of assisted living and expressed interest in Sunrise which is out Rochester road. She said they have been calling her about coming out and maybe it would be a good idea. She likes the idea of Sunrise because someone from Church is there. When I asked about St Anne's she said it was okay but the rooms were too small.

While talking about this emotional subject she shared that she probably wouldn't be able to sell her house and the cost of having someone live in would be about the same as being in a facility she felt that living at home would be feasible.

As the discussion wound down we talked about how important it is for her to make the decision, at this point. I suggested that she look at the pros and cons of each scenario and keep in mind that nothing is permanent. Unless her house sells. I also expressed my feelings that if she was able to get into an assisted living environment when she's discharged from Heartland (sometime in January I guess) it would be better than returning to Meadowlark and going through what she did last winter.

Bottom line? She's thinking about things and starting to appreciate that regardless where she ends up, it's going to be a change from what she is used to. I reminded her that acceptance of things does not mean she has to like them she just needs to be willing to try.

So that's it for today.

The progress continues

I was impressed when I got here Sunday and saw Mom sitting up in her wheelchair, dressed and looking pretty good. She tried to prove how well she was doing by getting out of her wheelchair and attempting to walk. Didn't do as well as she thought she could and finally got the aide to help her to the restroom. And so it goes.

The gathering with the Kuxhaus clan in the family dining room at Heartland was nice (thanks, Maggie, for pulling it together). She enjoyed the food, conversation, and change of scenery and was able to get out of her wheelchair into a dining chair. When it was time for the evening to end, Colleen helped a very tired Ruth back into the wheelchair and off to bed she went.

I sat with her during her PT Monday afternoon and enjoyed watching her go through her paces. While we were in the gym, her PT Ancy told her that she is not going to be able to live alone. I don't think she heard that because she continues to talk about going back to Meadowlark.

Monday's care conference, which I attended in person and Val via phone, included her social worker, PT, OT, nurse, and dietitian (it takes a village). Concerns were raised about her not eating enough, and that they were supplementing her meals with Ensure (of which she just takes sips). She can't take her pain meds without eating something, and on Monday the doctor explained this to Mom. She tends to listen to men in white coats. Other than that, it seems they have her pain controlled enough that she can do PT. They reported that she is highly motivated and making remarkable progress, and adamant about returning home. But they reinforced what Ancy said earlier, that she will not be able to live alone. Mom has told her team that her friends could help her, but this isn't realistic.

We're also concerned about her emotional health. Last winter she wasn't able to get out and was isolated. Despite talking with her friends regularly and visits from us, she became very depressed. With her mobility even more compromised now, this would likely be a greater problem if she were home. One of the good things about her being at Heartland is the interaction she has with others. She's especially fortunate to have another good roommate.

As long as she continues to make progress, she'll be at Heartland, for which we are grateful as it is a good environment for her (plus it's covered by Medicare!). Mindy, the social worker, said that it's understandable she would want to go home; after all, she's lived there 60 some years, and it is her wish to finish her days there. Mindy added that it might take her going home and experiencing first hand how difficult it is before she would accept moving into an extended care facility. However, having someone live in with her might be a possible solution. It's an idea we will need to explore.

Bingo queen

When I arrived around 3 today, Mom and her roommate Jesse were waiting for the afternoon bingo game to begin. Making up for years of not playing bingo, Mom won the second of two games.
She is able to do a lot more for herself--is managing to get into the wheelchair by herself, and even toilet herself. However, she says she still has a lot of pain but "I'm managing."

Progress

We'll find out next Monday at the "care conference" just how well Mom is doing and what we can anticipate for the near future. While she isn't able to do a lot of physical therapy, she does what she can with the limitations she has. Byron and/or Colleen visit her daily, which helps a great deal, especially when she is experiencing anxiety.

Her spirits were lifted last week with visits from my kids, who saw her after they arrived at DTW Thursday afternoon and before they left on Sunday (they were in MI to attend the memorial service for their grandfather who passed away just before Thanksgiving). This Sunday the Kuxhaus Christmas get-together will be held at Heartland so she can participate. Dave plans to brave the elements so he may able to join us.

A little loopy

Some progress has been made regarding Mom's pain. The attending doctor talked with Colleen last night, and said that he upped the dosages plus made assurances she would be given pain meds during the night, even if it meant waking her up. The pain meds do make her a little loopy, and she's funnier than usual. We had quite the conversation with her roommate Jessie about Tiger Woods' indiscretions.

She had a shower and got her hair washed (first time in over a month!) this morning. However, being at more than a 30 degree angle is still pretty painful for her. As I write she's waiting to get her hair done, but I'm not real sure she'll be able to sit long enough for that.

I plan to speak with her social worker and discuss options, such as referral to a pain clinic. It would be so nice if she could sit at a 45 degree angle without being in such agony.